Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Stereotyped (thanks a LOT Diesel)

It blows my mind how, in today's (supposed) climate of open minded acceptance and tolerance, not to mention the massive amounts of information available at the literal click of a button, that there are still intelligent people out there with preconceived stereotypes about a group of people as harmless and unobtrusive as Vegans.  

A few things I would like to make perfectly clear about Vegans:

1. We are not all fanatical PETA members judging you for buying a purebred German Shepherd rather than adopting a mutt from your local pound. And although the whole baby seal thing is kinda sad and sick, it is not on the top of my concern list. The rapid expansion of The Collective American Ass IS, however of major concern to me, as it is to everyone who hates ugly people.


2. We do not ALL expect the non-vegans around us to accommodate our dietary choices through special restaurant trips, special dish preparation or anything else that would annoy you. If you like us as a HUMAN enough that you would like us to join you for lunch, it would be easier on us to choose a place at which we can eat more than iceberg and lemon wedges. However, I frequently go sit and suck lemons with my friends just to enjoy their company, and eat when I get home. No big deal. Relationships are about compromise.

3. We do not all eat weird shit, like PEAT MOSS AND TREE BARK, DIESEL! Granted there are a few things that are lesser known to Americans that are real life-savers for Vegans, like seitan, a basic asian dish made from wheat gluten flour that is so meat-like (you can use it just like meat in anything, from BBQ to lasagna and everything in between) I always serve it to omnivores when they come over to try to help them feel like they are eating something they consider "normal." (Yes I am that sweet) But as a rule, you can think of what I eat as being a plate full of side dishes. The SAME side dishes you eat. Including french fries and pasta. I eat Italian and Mexican and Chinese, I eat sandwiches and burritos and chili and burgers. Sure, they are made of some sort of veggie matter rather than ground up unidentifiable animal parts (any guess as to how many eyeballs the average pack of hamburger contains?) I eat cake and pie and cookies and ice cream, the only difference is that they don't contain hormone-laden bovine mammary secretions or the single-celled reproductive secretions of birds. But they are every bit as deliciously sweet and unhealthy as the omni version! 



And lets be honest, isn't it equally obnoxious when someone refuses to eat carbs of ANY KIND and want to pick the restaurants based on how good the grilled chicken salad is?

4. The shift to a Vegan lifestyle is not something we can all do the day we decide to to Veg. Personally, my husband and I were given a car as a gift when his mother got a new one. Our car has leather seats. Not only is this a pain in my ass literally since we live in Houston and do not have a garage, but it is also a choice I would not make, and in direct opposition to my dietary and lifestyle  choices. HOWEVER, we are starving musicians who can't afford to run out and make our entire collection of possessions reflect our preferences. We take what we can and are grateful that we don't have to ride the non-existent public transportation system here. Don't be so quick to judge, any lifestyle change is a process. You don't expect new parents to have every little thing they require for child rearing (thus Baby Showers were invented), but after a few years when tyke-number-two comes along, they usually have it all and don't have to "make do" with the ancient hand me down crap someone's sister-in-law has been saving for the next baby in her dusty attic for 10 years. 

5. And finally, I have never, EVER, EVER heard of any normal person photographing their "pooh" [sic] and posting it on the internet. (Oh wait, there was this ONE guy) This odd behavior is not related to any Vegan practices I have ever heard of, and I can say with confidence that most Vegans would not only be equally grossed out by this, but would join me in the morbid curiosity of asking: "Why? Dear GOD in heaven! WHY?!?!?!" 

One last word to the negative angry folks (JINKSY) out there routing for Vegans to "convert back either from weakness or health reasons." I can only assume that your desire to see others fail at anything they attempt be it a Vegan lifestyle or otherwise, is due to a deep seated self-loathing related to an inability to successfully accomplish your own goals. The fact is that the Vegan lifestyle, when properly led will only create a resoundingly healthy human, bolstering the  immune system, and literally turning off many serious diseases including diabetes, osteoporosis, and even cancer (Read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell). There are plenty of  Junk Food Vegans out there who will of course suffer from malnutrition thanks to their ill-informed ideas about diet and their belief that potato chips and coke do in fact a meal make, propagated by the current fast food culture in which we are drowning (and dying). But to gleefully rejoice in their failure is perhaps the most unkind statement I have read in some time. Granted, I avoid negative drooling cretans like you as a rule, but I am heartbroken for your apparent lack of sympathy and love for your fellow man. That said, I can only respond in a language you will perhaps understand: Go f@ck yourself a&#h@le. (Sorry, Mom.)


**links to other bloggers due to comments posted on a recent mattresspolice.com blog that referenced the fact that one of my all time favorite bloggers "hates vegans." Consider me stung to the core.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

what I do when I'm NOT singing...

It has been a while since my last gig or blog worthy-and-related event. I have one coming up on the 24th and then nothing until July, but I figure I owe my devoted readers an explanation:

First, the weather has been so nice that we have tried to be out in it as much as possible.

I know, I know: Ralph Lauren called and said they wanted their baby model back...we are negotiating her modeling contract right now so we can't really talk about that...no I'm kidding. But if anyone is interested, please contact her agent at WWW.MOMSONLYIDEAFORACOLLEGEFUND.FLO

Then, we moved into the city-ish. Briar Forest/Gessner area. I'm am going to pretend this was taken in the car on the way to the new place, but it was actually a random trip somewhere else within a few short days of actually moving...of course, I took ZERO pictures of the move because I was playing the highly coveted role of Manuel Labor...

We also had to submit to the dreaded "Shears of Terror" and cut some bangs...barrettes are soooo last year...this Spring is all about the bangs...and practicing our sad face.

And as icing on the proverbial cake of procrastination: dress up fun! She watched Barbie Fairytopia in this get-up for about 5 minutes before she decided it was "itchy." But at least the mugginess outside immediately following our first summer shower of the season made the lens fog up somewhat, giving the photos a soft hazy filtered look perfect for the theme.

So there you have it. I will be posting pics from our extreme sports spring training very soon...stay tuned!