tis the season...

December and January: SPRING AUDITION SEASON (dun dun duuuuuun.....)

Time for new head shots:



This was a self portrait taken in my bathroom. Hey! I am NOTHING if not resourceful.

Ike really left a deeper scar on my war path than I had first anticipated. A cleared calendar for a time-consuming show proved to be disastrous when said show failed to manifest due to a NATURAL DISASTER. An upheaval and subsequent move in my personal life coupled with the onset of the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season had my head spinning. A slew of last minute gigs stole my sanity but paid some bills, so I forgive them. Plus the adventure aspect of the past four weeks has made life so very interesting! Of course, craziness is de rigeur in my life...

Let's see...

I managed to get sicker than I have EVER been with my FIRST EVER STOMACH FLU while DRIVING to an important and major gig. Nothing like puking on the side of Hwy-290...and I-45...and Hwy 105...then passing out...while driving; FUN TIMES! I have learned that Houston drivers are not even sympathetic to the puking lady on the side of the road. They will STILL flip you off for going even one notch below the speed limit as you pull over with hazards blazing. I also learned that full Vegas Showgirl Drag will illicit wolf whistles from fat men at Conroe gas stations REGARDLESS of what you are doing at said gas station (in my case, it was puking into the trash can--we are going to hope for this man's sake that he missed that part and just got dazzled by the foot-long lashes and smoky black eye shadow...)

I saw what a mess downtown really is in terms of traffic control and flow as 5000 guests arrived for various holiday parties at the hilton Americas while 18,000 Rockets fans simultaneously arrived to support their beloved team. Thank you to the Hilton Americas for booking parties that invited more guests than their parking garage could accommodate and therefore forcing many of us mere mortals to sit at the light at Crawford and Dallas for 45 full minutes. Luckily, I am a conniving devious snake of a human and LIED THROUGH MY TEETH to have the privilege of VALET PARKING. I can only IMAGINE the chagrin of the top execs in their $100k cars with their jeweled and furred wives watching my Camry pull into the coveted (and guarded by 4 policemen) valet lane. (the policemen actually had to ESCORT my car in to avoid unwanted cars from getting in!) To add insult to injury, my white Toyota was covered in black blobs of bird dookey. (insert sigh of contentment here)

The best gig of the season thus far: The Elder's Holiday Party-an Haute Soiree event. A breathtaking mansion right on the lake on Benthaven Isle in Bentwater, appreciative but unobtrusive guests, (no one requested Freebird OR Kenny ROgers) amazing talent on the bandstand, much silliness ensued and I have pictures (courtesy Jeremy Keas) to prove just how smokin' I looked and I will post them as soon as I have them.

I Feel Pretty

Well, it is official: I am a professional actress. La dee da ti do re me….

I am pleased to announce that I have been cast as Maria in Island ETC’s production of West Side Story. And yes, as a matter of fact I DO feel pretty.

So for the next seven weeks I will be schlepping my rear end down to Galveston to rehearse Sunday through Thursday nights for my very first paid theater gig ever. I feel tired.

The show opens Oct 10th and runs for 5 weekends, Thursdays through Sundays, so I expect every last one of my adoring fans to find at least ONE of the 18 performances to come hear my Puerto Rican accent! Ay ay ay! I feel Latin.

In other news the Kitschy Kabaret was a hot mess of fun last night. (pics to come)



Not as many people showed up as had PROMISED (Jordan, this means YOU, and recompense will be required in the form of vegan baked goods or flowers for me to readmit you to the inner circle…) but we had a good turn out anyway! Devin and I totally winged the whole show, and managed to keep the room entertained. If we could do the show every week for a while it would be a real gas, but alas, alack, anon…with rehearsals and the upcoming holiday gigs, my raunchy cabaret dreams must be shelved temporarily forsooth, along with my cheap feather boas and black satin corsets, me thinkest. I feel Shakespearean.

The crowd seemed to appreciate my sense of humor, which was gratifying. The Jaded Princess set (a schtick about how the modern day woman, who tends to think of herself as a princess, would sing the classic Disney love songs with her modern experiences under her belt-full of irony and double entendre, just like I like it) certainly got a rise. I feel funny.

My favorite part of the night however was Devin’s original song Prom Date. Oh. Mein. Gott in Himmel. I was crying from the gut quaking laughter. I am going to record him doing that ASAP and post it. Clever lyrics, great music, funny musical jokes, and he’s so charming and entertaining; the room loved it. I feel amused.

This seems like the perfect segue into plugging HIS theatrical debut. The little turd found an audition post on craigslist, showed up and played (and sang) one of his own songs on guitar, and got the lead in a paid performance. First theater audition ever. Paid. Did I mention it was his FIRST audition EVER? And that it is a PAID gig? I feel repetitive.

Here is the myspace page for the show:


In the Middle of the Ocean



Book, Music & Lyrics by Chris Alonzo

Directed by Brandon Dinklage


AUGUST 21 - SEPTEMBER 6

Thursday - Saturday @ 8pm

Diverseworks Artspace



About the Show:
This is the story of Camilla, who abandons society to build a floating brothel in the middle of the ocean. Soon she gets involved with a well-hung ghost and eventually follows him into the depths of Hell in search of true love. Greek Mythology collides with pirates, punks, and clowns in this rock-n-roll retelling of “Orpheus.”



About Melusine Theatre Company:
The mission of Melusine Theatre Company is to develop and produce new works; to create fresh and bold interpretations of classic and contemporary plays, as well as rarely-produced works. With our youthful spirit and artist-driven approach, we aspire to become a gathering place for artists; to excite the imagination and nourish a lifelong passion and appreciation for the performing arts. Tickets for the event are available through Brown Paper Tickets, the first and only fair-trade ticketing service. All tickets are $15 General Admission and may be purchased by phone 1-800-838-3006 or by clicking on the link below:


I feel promotional.

I hope to do a little chronicling of the production and rehearsal process over the next few weeks. The biggest challenge will be logistics regarding my adorable progeny, so she may end up joining me at rehearsals occasionally equipped with game boy and gummy bears. I feel maternal.

Time to clean my house, pack for my dogsitting job (oh yes, there will be a blog about THAT!) bake some vegan cupcakes (Chocolate peanutbutter!) for a birthday party, maybe solve the world’s energy crisis, end poverty and battle oppression. I feel productive.

Comedy of Errors

The weekend wedding gig went..er...um...well, it went.

Nothing like REALLY EXPENSIVE WALLPAPER to make a party fabulous!

The band was a phenomenal collection of Houston's top musicians: David Craig, Chuck Payne, Devin Collins, Mike Owen, Woody Witt, Johan Keus, and Paul Peacock, plus the FABULOUS WONDERFUL BLOW YOU AWAY PIDO on vocals, and then there was me. Oh I'm joking, I had a moment or two...

But the room was full of, well, investment bankers. Not the liveliest of crowds. I hope to get some pro shots from the photographer that was covering the event, but until then, PIDO managed to get a few, just to give you an idea:

Here's me and Devin at the piano (rented a baby grand for this doozy!) going over some last minute things.



and here is one of the band. (minus my handsome talented and possibly deranged drummer) I believe this was taken during Moon River (father/daughter dance) which I counted off way too fast thanks to the Wedding Coordinator coming to me immediately before this and the first dance and telling me the bride has asked that we shorten the dances. This is why I need people like Glen Ackerman around to tell me that I am CRAZY and ignore my crappy tempo and just do it RIGHT instead! What a ROOKIE!



And one of Mike Owen and David Craig. These guys shared a hearty guffaw at my butchered version of Night and Day. Somehow I started out with the words all out of order/wonky and it all went downhill from there. By the end of it, I was just cracking myself up at such a TARD moment on my part.



NOTE TO MIKE AND DAVID: I SWEAR I KNOW THE TUNE BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS AND COULD SING IT IN MY SLEEP WHILE BALANCING MY CHECKBOOK, BUT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT INTERESTING AND CONFUSE YOU GUYS, TO SEE IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION. YEAH, THAT'S IT.

PIDO took home the gold for band amusement that night, however, with his original reinterpretation of Blue Moon. He SAID he knew it. He approached the Mic with confidence and proceeded to sing...this:

PIDO BLUE MOON MADNESS

***

MWA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The best part was that people in the crowd were smiling and nodding at him, totally oblivious to the bizarre non-language emanating from his lips.

It had the making of a cool gig; a multi-million dollar mansion, a rented a baby grand, a pro sound man, had some of the greatest players in town, and we all looked mighty fine, if you ask me. But the room was full of silent old farts glaring at the spectacle or young tards waiting for the DJ.

I managed to get a few folks on the dance floor with "At Last" always a favorite at parties as a sexy slow dance, and then had a little fun with a few people in the room during "Gee Baby Ain't I Good to You?" Of course, our recorder had run out of memory by that point so no proof of anything exciting. I had a moment of panic during "Gee Baby" when the horns all walked off stage during the first chorus. I thought "dang it isn't THAT bad!" but it turns out they were just making room for Mike's A-MAZE-ING guitar playing. Worked out pretty well, and as usual, I enjoy having the stage to myself. (nyuk nyuk)

We will be doing this all again in December, and I look forward to a smoother, better rehearsed show that time around.

***if this audio clip doesn't work, don't tell me. Figuring out how to do this was the source of no less than one ocean's worth of blood sweat and tears, and I do NOT mean the awesome band...just know that I will figure it out and post it again later.

Marilyn are you still with us?

It is official: I am the latest comer to the impersonator field and Houston's newest Marilyn Monroe.*

Yes, that is me in pink and platinum.

Wait till you see the pro photos taken by one of the 7 or 8 professional photographers who were at this HUGE party.

The event was at Mosaic on Almeda, a new high rise apartment building dedicated to living the life of luxury on the extreme level.
Only one of the two towers is completed but here is what it will look like when all is said and done:

The space between the two towers is the 7th floor pool and clubhouse level where the party was:

I could not believe how the guests ate up the whole "Marilyn" bit. Everyone wanted a picture with her or they simply wanted to chat with her, playing along with the game. My favorite line of the night inspired the title of this blog. One flamboyant fellow complete with black crystal beads, sports jacket, boots, and an east Texan accent that could peel paint exclaimed upon seeing me: "Marilyn are you still with us?" This deteriorated into a discussion in relatively poor taste about pills and headaches. But the amazing thing was that EVERYONE wanted to play this little fantasy game. I was flabbergasted.

In all honesty, as I told Jon and Dan, the agents from J&D Entertainment who hired me (and groomed me) for this gig, I thought SURELY the folks in Houston would find the mere idea of an impersonator corny, but nay, twasn't so. I even got the obligatory "I told you so" in an email from Jon this morning. I stand-with-my-backside-sticking-out corrected.

One thing I was NOT prepared for was the way some of the men looked at me. There was a sparkly-eyed look some of them got every time I passed near them. Now, as a fairly good looking lady on an every-day basis, I am used to getting a glance here and there, but I suppose the fact that I was "entertainment" and therefore MEANT to be ogled, combined with the fact that I was dressed as many-a-man's wet dream made things that much more intense.

The gig was three-fold:
1) mingle with the guests in character
2) sing two fave Marilyn songs with a CD track, I wanna be loved by you and of course, Diamonds are a girl's best friend and Happy Birthday Mr. President a cappella
3) sing two tunes of my choosing with the band (It had to be you and Our love is here to stay)

This last part worried me a bit until I learned from the sound guy, Chris, that the band was none other than the fabulous and celebrated David Caceres Band.* No worries there. The only concern for me was that the first time I would sing for David I had to use the breathy quick vibrato Marilyn voice I had (almost) perfected. But in truth, the woman was a terrible singer and cooing like her is hard on the chords. I remedied the problem by singing for David later on that night in my "real" voice, swinging a little to Bye Bye Blackbird. I also had Joel Fulgham (drummer who played with me at Hotel Icon) give me a shameless plug to David...Thanks Joel, your check is in the mail, baby!

My fellow impersonators, Frank and Audrey had similar successes that evening. Frank was actually flown in from Vegas as there is no one in town that does this act. Shocking. Here is the two of us next to the living oscar statue...yum.

I found my nerves were absent before this gig, which made me anxious that they would hit at an inopportune moment, so I tried to PRETEND I was nervous to trick my way-too-calm head into getting it over with. This was a common problem (and attempted solution) for me in the classical world. At least I think it was a problem. I was NEVER nervous before a performance. If I was going to walk onto a stage I was simply going home and as I am a pro, (la ti da! Or la ti do, really) I am ALWAYS prepared. My solution: I found a quiet corner of a balcony and jammed out to Incubus in full Marilyn drag. Here was my view:

Ah! Love! If only I could get a flat here! But at $180-200k starting price for the 1/1 studio style floor plans, I think it is a bit out of my price range. Maybe if this Marilyn schtick takes off...and someone dies and leaves me a BAZILLION dollars!

*exclusively from J&D Entertainment

*book the David Caceres Band through one of the following agencies:

aMUSE entertainment

J & D Entertainment
Gulf Coast Entertainment

Penthouse, please.

Monday's gig at Hotel Icon was a smashing success according to the hotel management, the clients, and myself. I had the awesome privilege of playing with Joel Fulgham and Thomas Helton, Devin Colllins and my darling hubby Paul Peacock. The party was put together by Robert Shipman of Haute Soiree with help from Rob Smith of Events in Bloom.

We played on the private terrace of the Ritz Suite Penthouse, a 3 level suite of sheer opulence. I wanted to close the door to the second floor master bed and bath and slip into the built-for-three claw foot tub full of rose petals. Here's the lobby:



The afternoon leading up to this gig was yet another comedy of errors. I discovered my books (binders full of my tunes in my keys) had been left at the Convention center on Saturday. So I went home to reprint the charts only to discover that BOTH printers were out of ink and nonoperational. No time to go to Kinkos, so I pulled out the months old stacks of charts that had a few of my tunes in them and shoved them into binders without first punching holes; a sloppy compromise but effective. Of course, Thomas and Joel didn't need a book, just a title, a key, and a tempo. Silly me.

In addition to the music snafu, my pianist had car trouble and I had to go pick him up before the gig. No big deal, really it was more or less on the way, but it set us back a bit time-wise. Then the valet, trying to be oh-so-helpful, took his clothes and shoes and somehow musplaced his shoes along the way. He had to play the gig in his hightop converse sneakers, (and black suit) which I decided was an excellent look for him and needed to become his "schtick."

Then Paul's jacket was moved by the staff. We still have not located that piece of clothing.

We also discovered that our keyboard music stand is long gone.

Then there was the wind. I was not completely clear on the fact that we were actually playing outside until we got there, so none of us had clothespins for our music. that led to some fun slapstick.

Considering the situation as a whole, this should have been a disaster of a night. But it was great. The band was solid and took good care of me. They had a good time and enjoyed the hotel's hospitality, which was impeccable. The decor was gorgeous and my dear friend David Jones was kind enough to take some photos of the band before he had to skeedaddle to another party. I will post those as soon as I have them!

Man this feels good.