lessons I am learning

I was recently asked:

"Who are you?"

in relation to my performing, singing, etc.

Such a simple question, but what a landslide of emotion! This is the one thing that truly distinguishes a "singer" from an "artist." I was a little ashamed when I realized I HAVE NO IDEA.

I stuttered and faltered my way through a pathetic lists of excuses for why I did not know the answer to this question. I have spent the better part of 24 hours contemplating the answer. Don't get me wrong. I know who I am in many respects. I even know that I am capable of being whomever is needed for whatever situation.

The question was posed to me by my current teacher Ann Ostrow who proceeded to remind me: "Remember, an audience looks before it hears." She went on to talk about how they will decide who you are the minute you appear on stage and how MY job is to either fulfill or dispel their expectations. Or both.

She asked if I was: 1. ingenue, 2. sexy, 3. red hot mama. (what is the difference between the latter two, I wonder?) She asked what people see when they see me. OK. So I have to think like the audience, I get the lesson. Then she asked what I WANT them to see. Sheesh.

SO the question is not truly "Who am I?" but "Who do I want everyone to think I am?"

And with that comes the question: is the "who I am" and the "who I want everyone to think I am" supposed to be the same? Or am I required to have two different versions of "Me?" On stage and off? Wouldn't that read to the audience as a "fake?" Or isn't that just what acting is?

I have always thought of myself as a multifaceted gem. You can turn it every which way and see a new shape, a new color, a new part of the gem, but at the end of the day, it is the same hunk of rock it was when it got out of bed and drained an ENTIRE pot of coffee all by itself..whoops, I think I lost the metaphor, there.

Is this the answer? Or am I entirely too caffeinated to adequately convey the immense emotional stress this question has put on me?

Cream?